I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
