our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i believe in u and ur pee
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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