he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
