I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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