I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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