I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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