Buhtt sex?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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