1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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