My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
