Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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