just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
