so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize