Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
