if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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