its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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