I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
