I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
