I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
