So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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