Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
