I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
