Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
