while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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