woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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