420 ftw
I just pynch a tree in the face
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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