to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
