your parents love me but you hate me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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