He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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