I'm really into asian looking animals
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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