I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
