remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think people are normalizing furries
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
