You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize