I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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