i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
