Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm getting married
To pizza
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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