i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
