Just cropdusted the office
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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