I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
