You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
