I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
