The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
