do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We need to get me chipped asap
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
