Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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