Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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