dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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