my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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