I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
