I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
