I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
