It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
