i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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