i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
