Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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