I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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