Got a toothbrush?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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