Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
