We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
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You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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