Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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