Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
