So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
