covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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