ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
