dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
