PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
