I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
