she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
