I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
