Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
