Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
