She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
