ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I need water and some morals
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
