First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
