I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize