she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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