I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you made out with another girl for some wings
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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