Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We need to rekindle our bromance
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
