Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize