I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
