Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.