Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"