You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.