Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?

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  (513): Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude? http://tfl.nu/2xw8
  Replies (13) Good night (650) Bad night (1390)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.

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  (508): If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you. http://tfl.nu/1yt8
  Replies (9) Good night (817) Bad night (1913)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  kinda like you and your friends.

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  (931): dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny. (803): kinda like you and your friends. http://tfl.nu/yef0
  Replies (14) Good night (832) Bad night (2336)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?

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  (734): Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths? http://tfl.nu/85c1
  Replies (3) Good night (3399) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror

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  (515): I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror http://tfl.nu/xej5
  Replies (17) Good night (5228) Bad night (1321)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"

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  (347): How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka" http://tfl.nu/7oja
  Replies (6) Good night (5217) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.

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  (519): ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry. http://tfl.nu/wsym
  Replies (11) Good night (6889) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON

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  (843): REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON http://tfl.nu/qqb2
  Replies (12) Good night (1423) Bad night (2642)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.

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  (612): What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains. http://tfl.nu/eu34
  Replies (5) Good night (1870) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?

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  (307): WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT? http://tfl.nu/38wl
  Replies (11) Good night (917) Bad night (1887)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?

  (714): View more from California

  I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.

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  (949): At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup? (714): I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive. http://tfl.nu/dqyc
  Replies (4) Good night (1901) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.

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  (978): I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them. http://tfl.nu/nsss
  Replies (8) Good night (1731) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo

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  (941): The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo http://tfl.nu/icnx
  Replies (6) Good night (1439) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.

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  (920): I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon. http://tfl.nu/kbkd
  Replies (8) Good night (1236) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.

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  (607): You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were. http://tfl.nu/pdic
  Replies (3) Good night (1341) Bad night (536)

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