yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
