yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
